What Doesn't Kill You

It's a long story short.

I was lost in time but I survived, Alhamdulillah. All the gratitude to Allah.

Last year was mediocre. Very normal, average, day-to-day life. Everything was merely OK.

But not me. Mediocre was not my type, I guess. I always strive for more even I have almost everything I want as a human being - a mother, a Master qualification, a wife, a new job with better pay and environment, a house under my name, a place to live, a good car to drive, nice foods to eat, family to love, friends to laugh with, time to travel, coffee to drink everyday and a lot of high heels to make me a woman.

I mean, isn't that enough? Will I become less-gratitude if I want more?

I bought a small flat somewhere in Shah Alam in 2017. In 2018, I'm officially an owner and a debtor to the bank. That was my first time dealing with such a big transaction. I was lucky, the process was smooth.

By end of 2017, I got a new job offer and again, I am thankful. That is what I always wanted. Almost everything is better to compare to the previous one. Early 2018, I am officially at a new working place.

Few weeks later, it was the wedding. I was officially ready to become a wife on my birthday month. White was my choice because I wanted to really be as white and clean in this new journey. Past is past, let it be merely a history and memory.

The Queen & Pwincess in white

So, those are the start of my 2018.

Day after day, I really enjoyed my busy life. Somewhere in the middle of the year, I started to venture into real estate business as an agent, or negotiator. A tougher journey begun.

Learning is easy, practicing it is the other way round. I admitted that I am a good student and a fast learner. I can score high marks if I studied very hard, but when reality knocks... my oh my... it's is damn tough.

It is never easy to be in the real estate business, even with my 11 years of working experiences, I failed to score a deal. Failed means, a smooth end-to-end deal. None. Zero. Well, never mind. That were the parts and parcel of doing business. The ups and down.

I was motivated to work harder. My nights and weekends were dedicated for the business. I partnered with Qerd, my husband as he had more experience in this business line. We looked for listing, promote it with a very minimal budget, inspect the units, view the units with potential buyer, advised, negotiate and did all the Real Estate Negotiator (REN) job.

Of all the list, a serious buyer approached. He was very keen on the unit and paid the booking. While undergoing the other process, here comes the sad part. The deal was unable to proceed due to some state requirement. The booking was returned and yes we were sad. That was the first smooth deal and it wasn't successful. We were unlucky because the state law was amended few months before the transaction happened.

Well, I said to myself - Belum rezeki.

So, we worked harder.

But more deals were unsuccessful. The unexpected management requirement, the back-stabbed agent, the last-minute-decision-changed-buyer, the missing-in-action serious buyer, the indecisive buyer or merely influenced by the sibling...and more.

Sick.

I was ill. Demotivated. Stress.

That's when I had my knee injury (I have to take a break from my running activities)..but that's not it - bronchitis, white cells problem, fatigue, toothache here and there, and every single type of disease was introduced to me, one after another. Clinic is my new favorite place, I could say. I refused to take a lot of MCs because it was too much. 

I knew that the main reason was stress. 

Unless there were unknown things happening around..well.. we'll never know. Evil eyes are everywhere. Nau'zubillahiminzalik.

That was when I tell myself to stop and relax. Things are going to keep on failing me. There must be something wrong somewhere and I must sit back and diagnose it. Hence, a time-off. 

I took the time off (until now) to actually recall every single mistake, every single things I did or didn't do to deserve this. From that, I'll slowly fix myself and improvise. At the same time, I went to seek for some advice from the expert at Islamic Treatment Center, just to get things back on track. I keep the social media as the read-only platform and less-sharing about personal things. It scares me realizing that people can like you so much as much as they hate you. If you know what I mean. 

I must have done something to deserve this. 

Maybe it is sort of a test as well. 

Allah Does Not Burden A Soul Beyond That It Can Bear. (Al-Baqarah, Verse 286).

I take it as both, a test and a reminder.

Good thing is, I feel lucky to be given such a 'wake-up call'. I stop to rush things out and chase all the things greedily. Instead, I took a break, give myself some times, get closer to the Almighty, straighten the 'niat' and try to prepare myself for the upcoming challenges in life. I'm still learning to improve all aspect in life.

Bad thing is, I felt reluctant to even start the business as I'm lacking of confidence. I know I can do better, I'm just scared of failing again.

Time is what I need for a second chance.

After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Even I'm unable to describe how unfortunate my 2018 was, I'm still glad that I'm alive to learn all the lesson. I learnt to appreciate my family the most. I learnt to be extra careful in sharing things. I learnt that twitter is a bad evil place to be (I don't know why I hate twitter so much 😂). I learnt that Solat is the best to protect you in this world, to keep you on track, to get you closer to Allah, to make you more discipline with time and to remind you that there is hope.

NKay
...learning to appreciate life